I would love to say that this was a spontaneous show of love based on nothing but his amazingness. While he is amazing, the real reason is that he perceived that I desperately needed to get away to think, pray, be alone, and plan and prioritize for the upcoming weeks before the next birth.
He perceived this partly because I’d been such a grouchy wreck for some time before that, partly because I’d been crying to him that I didn’t even know where to start with all that I was behind on, and partly because he just knows me better then almost anyone. (He and Lydia might be tied; it’s hard to beat a twin!)
I felt guilty for going away.
I felt MORE guilty for needing to go away.
However, the time was needed. Not being surrounded by the unfinished tasks around the house and knowing that I was not going to be interrupted by any little person with a need or a [not-so-much-a-need-but-great-excuse-to-get-out-of-bed], allowed me to step back from all my goals and plans for the fall and objectively consider what was most important based only on the Bible and my bigger-picture goals.
Afterward, I DID feel like I’d finally gotten gulp of fresh air.
It helped me see myself more clearly. Sins (namely getting mad at the kids) that I’d been dismissing had to be dealt with objectively.
- When I got home, I could see the kids more clearly. I bubbled to my husband that night about how they all seemed to have matured more that day. “No,” he said. You are just seeing them differently.
- It changed my goals. I’ve been very stressed about some chipping paint on the front of our house. Our house is not the sharpest on the street right now. However, I realized that that goal came AFTER other goals like not getting stressed, helping each child with some character issues that I’ve been letting slip, basic new baby prep, small projects my husband asks me to do, etc.
It can be hard sometimes to step back when we are in the middle of life. If you feel inundated, stressed,desperate, I’d highly suggest setting aside a couple of hours to think, pray, and prioritize. (Preferably hours during your most mentally with-it time of day.) I’d tried to implement this sort of thing before at night when they kids were finally in bed, but I’m not a night person. I couldn’t focus enough to even begin. I wasn’t mature enough to get a babysitter so I could go off on the morning to think.