Finding Out the Gender at the Ultrasound

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Our 4th baby is due in 4 weeks.

No. I don’t know the gender. :-I My husband doesn’t ask for very many things, but for baby #3 and baby #4, he asked to be surprised.  (And I would hate keeping a secret from him for 20 weeks…so there we are.)

I’ve been reflecting on the pros and cons of finding out the gender.

Pros:

Preparation: This is the biggest one people talk about. It IS nice to get clothes and toys and room stuff ready! It is nice to have clothes that are not yellow and green. Admittedly, we don’t have this problem. My kids are all in a teddy-bear themed room and I have an older girl and boy. Therefore, prep for me is bringing up exactly 2 boxes of baby clothes and taking one box down to the basement when the baby comes home from the hospital.

A Personal Reason: We miscarried our first baby at 12 weeks gestation. I held the baby in my hand but could not even know the most basic thing about my child – its gender. As soon as I was 18 weeks in my next pregnancy – I had an ultrasound to find out! Finally I could get to know my child for as long as I had it! I felt that even if I didn’t make it through the pregnancy – he had a name! He was Jedidiah, my little one. Jedidiah, loved of the Lord!

Sales! Today, Lydia bought some of the cutest little boots for their January girl baby. I looked at plenty of cute newborn items today. I didn’t need much, but I did long to get something. In the end, I picked up one semi-gender neutral black zip-up cardigan, turning down a number of cute pieces under $5. This was disappointing, but I didn’t need anything, and I did splurge on a couple of newborn sized girl and boy outfits months and months ago. I can learn contentment here.

Cons:

False Expectations: On reflection, this is the biggest one for me. All of us, whether we plan it or not tend to build dreams on what our children will be. We imagine a daughter who loves to do what we love. Neither of my first two where what we ‘imagined.’ Our son is NOTHING like my husband. He’s the most extraverted and talkative preschooler you’d ever meet. My oldest daughter is my opposite in every way.

My first 2 kids are more amazing then I ever could have dreamed, but I had to overcome the 20 weeks of building plans on who I decided little person inside me was like.

Baby #3 had no expectations laid on her. I didn’t even know her gender. It may have just been maturity as a parent or it may have been less temptation to make her something she wasn’t in my mind, but I’ve found it easier to just enjoy her for her.

Mistakes: Sometimes they do make mistakes. It would be annoying to have a pink room and have a boy come out! It does still happen and happened to a friend of mine. (They laugh about it now and love to tell the story of finding out 3 hours before delivery that their ‘Daniel’ was a girl!)

Those are random thoughts from a pregnant woman who is thinking a lot about the little mover and kicker inside me.

Do you find out the gender? Why or why not?

-Verity

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