I was holding my dead baby’s body in my hand, and the doctor kept calling it ‘tissue.’
It was a honeymoon pregnancy, and I was 11 weeks, 3 days pregnant when I woke at 1:00 AM covered in blood. By 3:00 AM we were in the emergency room, and by 4:00 AM I’d birthed our first child and experienced one of the first showdowns of my life between Morality and Science.
“I’ll show you what comes out.” The young doctor had said when I a realized that I was miscarrying and asked to see ‘my baby’s body.’
“It’s tissue.” He had said.
But it wasn’t tissue. It was the tiny, perfect lifeless body of (what I’ve always believed) was our first daughter. It’s really hard to tell at that age, but it looked like she had a high forehead like me, and she was amazing.
But it was like the doctor was looking at something completely different then my husband and I. While we sobbed – deep, heart-wrenching sobs of grief over the tiny, bruised form of our first baby, he was careful to never refer to her as a baby – or even a fetus. (In medical terms, our child was still 4 days from being called a fetus.)
How was it that we and the doctor could be observing the same thing and yet arrive at 2 different conclusions? Distanced now by almost 7 years and able to evaluate the situation objectively, I believe our two different conclusions were because we had 2 different starting points.
- I looked at the baby’s body through the eyes of morality as something of value and worthy of respect.
- The young doctor looked at the baby’s body only scientifically and saw tissue.
- My view was derived from my faith – that the child was a soul, made in the image of God.
- The doctor’s view was also derived from his faith. He had embraced Science as the determiner in each situation and the prevalent Postmodern view in our society that there are no absolute determiners outside of what can be observed with the eyes. Ultimately Science acted like a god directing his actions, goals and values.
When a person rejects morality for Science, they fool themselves into thinking that they can now be free from the restraints of faith, but they instead build themselves a new kind of nightmare. CS Lewis predicted that every man must have a moral law, a “doctrine of objective value, the behef that certain attitudes are really true, and others really false, and that any society that rejected morality for the pursuit of science would digress to being “kneaded and cut into new shapes for the pleasures of masters who must, by hypothesis, have no motive but their own natural’ impulses.”
Paul said it better in Romans 1: 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.”
And indeed our Postmodern society that rejects absolutes yet adheres without question to Science – the obsession with man, birds, animals and creeping things – is left to rationalize heinous crimes such as the systematic slaughter of children through abortion.
Of course at 4:00 AM on that dark November morning, I didn’t understand any of that. All I could think of was that we needed to give our baby a memorial. Something. We should take the body and bury it.
But the doctor (despite his denial of my child’s value as a person) was strangely insistent that we leave the body there at the hospital, and for some unfathomable reason, I agreed. I don’t know why he wanted me to leave the body; I don’t know why I agreed. What crossed my mind was that I thought it must be a health issue – me taking the body. Now I believe it was a moral issue – and I failed.
We later received a bill for $350 for them ‘disposing of elements of conception,’ and It still awes me how I stood like a bystander and allowed our child to be degraded in that way. At the time, the doctor was so convincing, so sterile, so educated, and I was just a very scared girl who could barely digest what was happening.
Despite my strong pro-life upbringing and my Bible college education, I wasn’t prepared for the cold and calculated mis-education of this young doctor. I never dreamed someone could SERIOUSLY look at a baby’s dead body and not call it what it was. But he did – right to my face. His training so imbedded in his sad soul that he literally could renounce the morality of the situation by simply retreating to his medical (Science) terminology. But every scientific observation has to first start at a standpoint, and I believe there is no ultimate objectivity because observations in science start with the premises of what we believe going into it.
It still gets down to FAITH.
I’ve started writing this article 6 times, and I finally made it past the first sentence. I do feel like I failed our first child. (I named her Asaph.) But I’ve become wiser from it, and I recognize now what I did not then:
Most of us follow a moral center that says there is right and wrong, and most people will reject abominable practices when they learn the truth. That is what makes these Planned Parenthood videos and exposing the truth about what is happening is so important to keep showing – no matter how horrible.
Abortion is a moral issue – not a scientific issue – that we can’t ignore.
This is not a picture of our Asaph, but a precious little boy named Noah who was miscarried around the same gestation and looks similar to Asaph. To read more about the incredible testimony connected to this precious little one’s picture. Click HERE.