Category Archives: Our Faith


The Stay at Home Mom’s Biggest Sin Struggle

There is a sin that destroys our joy on even the most perfect day.

This sin can cause us to feel annoyed by our baby’s coos and blind our eyes to our warm homes, cute children, hard-working husbands, and the countless eternal blessings given to us by God.

Though it starts out microscopically small, it can grow until it has blocked our vision of every good gift that we were meant to enjoy.

And because of the limited contact and swinging hormones of Stay-At-Home Moms, I think that this sin is one of the the most common sins we struggle with.

It starts out with someone doing us a little wrong – and the next day, (left alone to our thoughts and our fussy baby) we let that little root of indignation take hold.

Later, as we sweep the kitchen floor or unload the dishwasher, we start thinking about everything we want to say to that person.

(We know we shouldn’t say any of the mean things we are thinking about saying, but left alone to ourselves, we start to pride ourselves in how we will ‘show them.’)

And in that pride, we don’t want to give up our ‘little’ sin. We want that person who hurt us or – MORE TEMPTING – hurt someone we love to ‘be punished.’

And, honestly, WE would like to be the one who punishes them – preferably in a way that makes us look smart and that person look dumb.

And so like the dog returns to its vomit, we continue to return to that wrong in our minds – each time letting it grow and letting our view of ourselves grow too.

The sin is bitterness.

Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.

And this single sin can take a holy Christian mom, walking in the light of God’s love, and “defile” her testimony – bringing “trouble” – as it has for “many.”

Yet it is a COMMON struggle among Christian moms!!

Recently I was part of a private Facebook page thread in which one of the moms mentioned that she’d been back-stabbed by family over Christmas. Within minutes, 28 other moms said that they too had been hurt by family during the holidays.

We have all been hurt.

The temptation for bitterness will come.

And when it does come, here are some things to remember.

1. Remember that the Struggle is NOT the Sin

When we are hurt, we will struggle with bitterness, but the struggle is NOT the sin. It is only when we CHOOSE to let it fester. When we CHOOSE to toy with the ‘get even’ scenarios in our mind that it starts to take root in our hearts, and we sin.

Don’t let yourself think you’ve lost the battle – when you have not!

2. Fill Your Mind with God’s Word

I’m POSITIVE that with a house full of maidens, there would be some lady-gossip going on behind the Proverbs 31 woman’s back – and I have a hunch that dealing with merchants means she gets ripped off once or twice.

However, the Proverbs 31 woman opens her mouth with what her mind was full of.

Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

We become what we think about.

When we allow our minds to be filled with the wrongs we’ve suffered, we become more like the people (or worse – our perception of the people) who have wronged us.

I do not want to be the woman who always has a criticism and who constantly hurts others because my mind is too often on the hurts I’ve endured.

Bitterness really CAN defile grace-filled living!

3. Fear God. Not Man.

Psalm 111:10a The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. 

Do you want to know how to look at a painful situation?

Don’t start there.

Spend some time looking at God.

-Think of His character and how He shows mercy and forgiveness to you and to all who call on Him.

-Think about His eternal plan in which this painful situation is comparatively tiny and short-lived.

-Think about the many, many blessings He has given you – salvation, eternal hope, spiritual promises, purpose, freedom…

Only THEN – look at the situation.

See it from His eyes. See it as something that He, in His omnipotence, has under control.

Give it to Him.

Rest in Him.

Move your focus from the situation to Him – which is right where your focus belongs.

What gives the Proverbs 31 woman her strength to not get bitter at gossipy maidens, deceitful merchants, and husbands who are busy ruling in the gates and not home enough? 

Proverbs 31: 29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

That’s what we want for ourselves, sister. We want to be described as women who fear the Lord – not women who ‘get back’ at those who hurt us.

Let Him define us – and not our circumstances.



How to Tempt a Mother – 7 Sure-Fire Ways! – By Uncle Screwtape

C.S. Lewis’ masterpiece “Screwtape Letters” is a phenomenal book in which a senior devil instructs a younger devil how to tempt a soul. (You can find that wonderful book here)

But if the character, Wormwood, went on to tempt a mom, I think this is how Screwtape would instruct him. 

- Verity

My Dear Wormwood (Demon D. Younger),

I see you have been assigned a mother. I was shocked that, after your losing the last soul, you were assigned such an important person!

Mothers have and always will be the most influential people in any society. By them kings are set on their courses and future leaders’ hearts nurtured for love or for hate.

(Of course, we demons have successfully kept this truth from women in the 21st century by putting a focus on careers, unattainable beauty and a growing disdain for children.)

And moms fall for the same lies in any time or age.

Here are some lies that have worked outstandingly well for me in the past.

1. Make the Mom’s World as Tiny as Possible

If a world is tiny, it is easy to make the most minuscule mishap seem catastrophic. A spot on the rug in a tiny world is fuel for hysteria while someone who sees themselves as soldiers in an age-long spiritual battle can withstand the death of a loved one and still stand strong – strengthened by a focus on the eternal.

To that end, limit her influences – above all keep her from reading her Bible which opens a person’s eyes to the cosmic battle of time, power and love.

2. Keep the Mom’s Focus on Something Unimportant that Makes Her Feel Like a Good Mom While Losing Sight of the Important

If you can keep her running around – trying to attain perfection in enough unimportant exploits, she will never have time to notice the eternal ventures – like the character training of her children.

Of course children’s hairstyles or flurries of extracurricular activities are not bad of themselves. Your opportunity with any potential idol comes when they have grown in her mind to the point of trumping the important! Let her take pride in her victory over her daughter’s hair or her son’s music lessons until she is willing to sacrifice the sanity of her family and her own focus to achieve them.

3. Let the Mom think of Herself as a Victim

Thankfulness will destroy your work, Wormwood.

Daily bring to her mind the grievances of a leaky faucet, tight budget and a challenging child. If she thinks of herself as a victim, she will forget that she is already a victor with Him. Never let her remember that!

If you can help the root of bitterness take root in her, your battle is practically won! Especially stay-at-home moms with little outside influence can be consumed with the tiniest wrongs – letting their minds grow these wrongs into outstanding evils.

And when a person has given herself over to bitterness, their view of even the most wonderful things – like the smiles of her baby or the warmth of a home are distorted. And the woman who would normally spread joy and warmth in her home taints it with the anger and indignation that is slowly destroying her from the inside out.

 4. Make sure the Mom NEVER Thinks of Her Children as Blessings

If she realizes the true value of her children, she will pour her energies into teaching them about God and His Way.

Value must be placed on almost anything besides her children. (The career that suffers because of their demands, the social life she used to have, the heels her pregnancy-ravaged hips can never handle again or any other unattainable desire will be especially effective.)

Let her view her children as leeches – filching from her energy and resources and keeping her from her true potential.

Resentment toward her children will be one of your sharpest tools!

Of course if her child was threatened by a speeding car, she would lay down her life for him in an instant, but make the small life sacrifices that are her testimony of God’s Way seem unimportant to her. (Her smile when bringing water for the 56th time, the gentle voice at 2:00am, the prayer for wisdom when breaking up a fight all stem from her realization of her children’s value and importance in God’s eternal plan.)

5. Make the Mom Think of Her Personal Identity ‘As Being Lost.’ 

Bring to her thoughts dreams of what she would be without the demands of her family. Let shadows of herself as a put-together, non-tired, woman play across the edges of her mind – tempting her focus and reaffirming the lie that she would be more without them.

Of course we know that motherhood is a means of sanctification – of losing oneself and being fashioned more into His image as each mother lays her life down not once but daily. (Or in the case of motherhood daily and multiple times a night as well.)

6. Make the Mom Think She has Already Failed!

If she chances to get angry and yell at her kids, make her sink into despair – forgetting that His mercies are new every morning, that He readily gives grace to the repentant sinner and that ultimately He will work – even through a sinful Mom – because of His kindness and mercy – and not because of her worth.

But your biggest ally when dealing with moms, Wormwood, is complacency.

7. Always Make the Mom Think that Her Job is NOT Important!

Grow in her mind the value of financial and social success while dimming the importance of motherhood. Let her dwell on how little she feels she is accomplishing in the world today, and go to every length to make her forget that her children will shape tomorrow.

If she does not realize that she is fighting a valuable battle, you will be victorious, and she will lose.

Of course we know that Mothers are of utmost importance to God’s plan and that they are given enough grace and strength to accomplish what He calls them to do - so take special care.

Your Affectionate Uncle,

Screw Tape (Demon D. Experienced)


Christ-Focused Christmas Traditions (Part 5)

Christmas Books!

I’ve SLLLOOOOWLY been collecting Christmas books!

Here is what we have so far, and here are some that are on my wish list!

Saint Nicholas: The Real Story of the Christmas Legend

Saint Nicholas

We read this every December 6th! I can hardly wait to read it to my kids tomorrow! :-)

It’s the true story of Santa Clause. We can learn a lot from other Christians, and his story has a beautiful message for children and adults.

A Christmas Guest 

christmas guestHebrews 31:2 says “2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” In this age-old story a little boy actually does entertain an angel on Christmas eve. There is a touch of fantasy, but I think it’s a beautiful book that brings out that Biblical truth in a way children can understand.

Masterpiece Story Bible

This book has a passage on one side and a famous painting on the opposite page. It covers the whole bible but it has a dozen Christmas related paintings and passages too.

I love covering the Christmas story using scripture verses and high-quality paintings.

My Wish List!

Gift of the Magi

magiI can hardly wait to introduce my children to this timeless classic.

Christmas Day in the Morning


I read this at our pastor’s house. It’s a lovely picture of mature love.

What other books would you suggest??



Christ-focused Christmas Traditions (Part 4)

Last year Lyd posted some great articles on Christ-focused Christmas traditions! I’m reposting the links today in case you missed them!

Make sure you come back tomorrow and Saturday as I’m posting about our Christmas book collection tomorrow and my FAVORITE Pre-season kid tradition on Saturday!

Nativity Invitation to Play

Baby Jesus Craft

Mom’s Musings: The Opportunity of Christmas

Happy December Everyone!



Christ-Focused Christmas Tradition Series (Part 2)

imageThe Advent Wreath 

Throughout the Old Testament, there is great longing for the coming of Christ. The passover lamb, the scapegoat and countless other traditions foreshadow the coming Messiah.

In modern day Germany, they put out Advent wreaths in anticipation of Christmas.

They set the Advent wreath out a month before Christmas and light one candle the fourth Sunday before Christmas, 2 candles the third Sunday before Christmas etc.



Finally, the Sunday before Christmas all 4 candles glow – and if they have a pyramid (a wooden dome with a a type of windmill wheel on top) – the wheel will spin from he energy being emitted by the 4 candles.

Each Sunday, they eat stollen, a pastry-like fruitcake rolled in powdered sugar that resembles a swaddled baby Jesus.

This is a favorite of our traditions. We purchase the stollen from Aldi and use the gorgeous pyramid we were given from in-laws. (As you can see, it now has a little extra character – thanks to a curious toddler on a past Christmas.)



Christ-Focused Christmas Tradition Series (Part 1)

Happy December everyone!

This is one of the BEST seasons of the year to share our faith with our children!

Not Minimized

Every day this week we will be posting on some Christ-focused Christmas traditions that help us focus on Who matters during the holidays.

Today I’m posting a article that Lydia published last year that is an advent calendar that is easy to make, inexpensive and puts the focus on Christ.

Please check back every day this week for NEW articles!


” It is so challenging to keep Christ in Christmas in this day and age. I have 2 toddlers, and I feel like my husband and I are in a constant quest to explain the real meaning of the season and to make CHRISTmas come alive for them. I’m excited to share some of the things we’ve discovered over the course of this month. Today I’m going to share our advent calendar with you. Even though it’s December 2nd, this is an easy one to put together and you really can start it any time in the month.
For more ideas on an advent calendar like this, check out THIS blog post.

What you need:

·         24 or 25 small inexpensive ornaments

(I used plain gold ones that I bought 10 for $1 at Dollar Tree. These are everywhere at this time of year. So cheap!)

·         Puffy paint

(Any kind/any color)

·         This list…

The List of Names of God:

(You can use any list, but this is the one I compiled. I wanted to do certain ones for the sake of explaining them to my kids each day as we built a foundation for who God is at Christmas time. I’m also careful to do them in a certain order.)

Mighty God
Gift of God
The way
Living water
The Life
The truth
Prince of peace
Bread of life
Everlasting father
I am
The light


What to do:Simply use puffy paint to write one name of God on each ornament. I found that setting them in empty egg cartons worked great. That’s also where I store them during the year.

Pile them into a vase for decoration. I use them as the centerpiece for our dining room table. This helps to keep them as a main focus and also helps me remember to do one each day.

We pull one out of the vase daily, I discuss it with my kids, and then we hang it, using an ornament hook, on a garland that hangs on a window behind them. As the vase becomes emptier, and the garland becomes fuller, we are getting closer to Christmas. We also have a visual reminder on the garland of who God is.

There are so many things that I like about this concept, and it does do a lot to draw our focus toward God and the reason for Christmas. It also provides deeper teaching opportunities with my children then simply opening a door with a picture behind it each day. It becomes an event, a teaching opportunity, and a beautiful decoration all in one.


Tomorrow I’ll be posting a NEW article  on a tradition that my husband brought back to America from Germany!



Thanksgiving Then and Now

1621  53 immigrants (called pilgrims) and 90 indians celebrated the first Thanksgiving.

Days of thanks, celebration, and prayer to God were a regular practice among the pilgrims, but this was the first official celebration on American soil.

And this spirit of gratitude is throughout our history.

1774- 1789  “National days of prayer, humiliation, and thanksgiving” were regularly instituted by the continental congress.

1861   Abraham Lincoln declared the holiday of Thankgiving proclaiming the need to remember “the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.”

Today: Stores this year are opening their major sales as early as 4:00 PM on Thankgiving Day. Shoppers will have to leave time with family, time to reflect, time to be THANKFUL to go after deals.

So Thanksgiving this year will have hoards of Americans racing after what they want rather than pausing in “prayer, humiliation, and thanksgiving”

I DON”T actually blame the businesses. As a small business owner, I know what it’s like to  come up with deals just to survive.

I blame US.

I blame we Americans who have changed from WORSHIPPERS to CONSUMERS.

From Thanks-givers to Stuff-getters.

When a store says they are opening on Thanksgiving day. WE, Americans should be outraged, but instead we move our dinner up – so we can race out the door to save $35 on a blue-ray player, $10 on an Elsa doll or $25 on a TV wall mount.

We willingly sacrifice the time we’ve set aside to THANK for WANT.

Ultimately, the success of the Thanksgiving sales show what we Americans serve.

We serve our true master – Stuff – and pledge our first fruits to get it.

This is what we’ve become.

How different the first immigrants were from us.

They sacrificed everything to be here – and willingly thanked God that he had provided the bare necessities – let alone deals on flat screen TVs and Barbie Dream houses.

A few days ago I caught a glimpse of what we must look like to a modern day immigrant.

I was talking to an immigrant friend from Germany.

Immigrating has never been easy, and today that hasn’t changed. She, her husband, and their children became citizens, have worked hard (At Walmart jobs), and are trying to put him through school for a brighter tomorrow.

And so here is her 7th Thanksgiving as an American. It is not a time of thankfulness and prayer. She and her husband will both be working through Thanksgiving, Black Friday and the whole weekend.

When she told me this,  I opened my mouth to say something about holiday shopping boosting the economy, but I stopped.

I looked at her tired face.

She had sacrificed everything to come to America because it boasted of freedom and prosperity – yet where would she be on Thanksgiving – the day we have set aside to celebrate the prosperity God has given us and THANK Him?

She would be watching us all grab for more.

For just a second this glimpse into a modern day immigrant gripped me.

For just a second the view of my own taken-for-granted life of privilege left me speechless.

“I’ll be praying for you.” I said weakly.

I will be praying for her, and I don’t plan to be part of the hoards shopping on Thanksgiving either.

I hope to spend my Thanksgiving doing what the first immigrants did – giving thanks.



Helping Someone Who has Miscarried

October is miscarriage awareness month. (At least that is what the many articles and banners sprinkled across my Facebook page tell me.)

Mustering up my courage and facing a lost baby who would now be almost 6 years old, I’ve decided to finally write a couple articles on miscarriage.

Helping someone who has miscarried is hard.

If you’ve wondered what to say to someone who has lost a baby – or if you have lost a child, and you don’t know how to express what you are feeling and going through, I’m writing this article for you. I hope it will be a help.

What is the Mom Feeling?



I do not know of a loss more lonely then a miscarriage. The mother KNEW the baby. She felt it’s movements, dreamed dreams, fell in love. NO ONE else did.

She lost one of the greatest loves of her life, and the rest of the world is unaffected.

Whether she told others or not, it is a very isolating time.


Most mothers struggle with guilt of some sort.

(Did I eat well enough? Did I sleep enough? Could this because I didn’t take good care of myself in college ___ years ago? Is something wrong with my body? Does God think I would be a bad mother?)

Usually the guilt does not even make sense – and usually it is not voiced.

Asaph died 4 days before I miscarried. Somehow the inside of my body bruised up her dead little body during that time, and she was black and blue when I delivered her. I felt guilty for that. The guilt grew in my mind and eventually even made me feel insecure in parenting our second child.

(Now that I voice it, it makes no sense, but in the deep emotions of grief and loneliness, foolish feelings of guilt make sense.)

It took 3 years, and a realization that her death was because God had a BIGGER plan – outside of me and outside of her – before I ‘got over’ that.

Empty Arms

One of the best books on miscarriage is called ‘Empty Arms.’

After a miscarriage, it feels like you should be holding a baby – but the baby is gone. Your arms ache – and your heart throbs, but you can’t hold your child.

No baby is easy to lose, but I’ve been told the first is the hardest because there is no other child to hug and love. Your heart and arms are just empty.

Being around babies and pregnant women can be hard for awhile.

A Different Child Will Not Replace the One Lost

Just because a mother has an older child or gets pregnant again right away – doesn’t change the value of that child. It helps (a little – not as much as you’d think) to fill the heart void of wanting a child, but the miscarried child is still dead. The mother still misses the lost baby.

Constant Reminders (At least a month of physical reminders)

It takes a month before the hormones leave your body so you basically ‘feel pregnant’ for 30 days after your baby dies.

The first week, when the pregnancy-feeling nausea hits, you have these split-second moments that you think you are still pregnant – but then you remember – and you have multiple moments a day to relive the loss.

After a week, you just wish the nausea, cramps and pregnancy- like symptoms would end because you can’t bear the reminders anymore.

Huge Loss of Blood

When I lost Asaph, the doctor said that I’d bleed like a ‘normal period.‘  He’s apparently never miscarried a baby before.

I had to leave work the next day because my clothes were COVERED in blood.

What Can You Do?

Refer to Baby by Name

The baby is not an ‘it.’ The baby is her child. Find out if she thinks it was a girl or boy and then refer to the baby as ‘he’ or ‘she.’

If she has a name, refer to the baby by name. You are showing you believe the baby has value and is a person.

Remember Baby

Most mothers remember their miscarried baby on the day they miscarried. Others hold the baby’s due date as special.

My mother-in-law called me on the first and second anniversaries of Asaph’s death. She remembered my baby – even a year or two later.

She also has a necklace on which hangs a birthstone shoe charm for each grandchild. In Asaph’s place, she put a gold plated bead – and wears the necklace every day. Words don’t express how much that commemoration means to me.

When a baby’s been miscarried, the mother fears his/her memory will be lost. A friend remembering that life is SO IMPORTANT.

Recognize the Baby’s Purpose for Eternity

Miscarried babies are not ‘a mistake.’

They are a part of God’s plan, and they have an eternal purpose both during their short time on this earth and for all of eternity in Heaven.

Asaph’s life and death taught us to not take our children for granted, and now Asaph is serving her purpose in Heaven – praising God. (That is why I named her Asaph. Asaph was a musician who spent his life creating hymns to praise God.)

I realized that Asaph is serving the same purpose all of us should strive to serve – glorifying God!

Just because a baby’s life is short, does not make it less valuable. God, in His incredibleness was able to complete his/her earthly purpose in LESS time and now has brought the baby to Himself to do His next work for him/her.

One helpful book that focused on God’s working hand was “Safe in the Arms of God” by John MacArthur.

Meaningful Presents

  • Something to Hold

As I mentioned earlier, the Mom is feeling like she has ‘empty arms.’ A stuffed animal (or in our case, a puppy) is a huge help.

  • Something to Remember


After Asaph died, I bought a nice box and put in a picture of a 12 week gestation baby (that looked like she had), an outfit that I’d planned to put her in, a scrapbooked card I made with some pictures and her name and the dates she lived, and a poem I wrote 2 years afterward. A couple times a year, I pause a couple minutes and look through the contents of that box – remembering my baby. I’ve also used the box to share my memory of her with my other children. This has been very meaningful and has led to many good conversations.

Footprint necklaces are also very precious. Then you can keep the baby close to your heart. Etsy sells a lot of miscarriage jewelry, but my favorite charms I’ve found is here. I’ve simply bought the chain separately.

  • Cry with the Mother

One of my best, most precious moments only took a second. It was four days after the miscarriage. I was in Sunday school.

A hugely pregnant woman had sat down by me.

I was doing all I could to hold it together when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned to see the tear-filled eyes of a friend.

She silently handed me a small plate of muffins with a simple card.

No words – just mutual sorrow over the death of my baby.

I was NOT alone.


- Verity

2 minute God-Focused Fall Decoration


   In advertising, it is believed that the average person sees an ad 15 times before they begin to yearn for the product and 20 times before they actually buy it.


This is good information to know for all things in life. When teaching your children new information, it will possibly take them 15 times to understand it. When witnessing to others, it will probably take 15 times before they begin to yearn for what you are saying. In the encouragement of spiritual truths, it could take us 15 times before we begin to believe and apply a new concept. This might seem like cold, numerical facts, but it’s information I take very literally in my life in all areas—even decorating my home—as random as that may sound.


You see, as a mostly stay at home mom, I spend a lot of time in my home. I walk the halls and the rooms dozens (if not hundreds of times a day) and I want the items on which I lay my eyes to be edifying and encouraging. I purposely have pictures with Bible verses strategically placed in almost every room of my house. I have a well traveled area devoted to my husband’s and my wedding pictures so we are constantly reminded of the vow we took that day—and so our children are reminded of our unity. I center my seasonal decorations on concepts that are God focused.


Over the next few months, I’ll be sharing several things we do, but today, I thought I’d share one simple, cheap, favorite fall idea. :-)


All you do is take your pumpkin, select a favorite Bible verse or quote (I like to do one on thankfulness for thanksgiving, but you could do one on the seasons, God’s mercy, God’s faithfulness, or anything), and use a permanent marker to write the verse on the pumpkin. If you know how to do calligraphy that would look great, but I just write it plain. My main goal with this decoration is to serve as reminder for why this is a special season—we have so much for which to be thankful! We should stop in both the good and bad moments of the day and Praise God from whom all blessings flow because His mercies are new every morning. The seasons change, but God remains the same. Yesterday, today, and forever, Jesus is the same. Great is His faithfulness unto us. We can go into His gates with thanksgiving in our hearts and into His courts with praise. We can say this is the day the Lord hath made and rejoice and be glad in it. What a wonderful season to praise our great God! And what a wonderful, festive way to be reminded that we should do just that.




The Biggest Danger of the Mommy Blogs

8:15 last night:

Our house was a disaster. (Like every room – including food and garbage- type of disaster.)

Supper was drying on the uncleared dishes.

Half the groceries were still on the counter from earlier. (I had managed to put most of the refrigerated items away.

Errands went long. (Like the door greeter at Walmart laughed when he saw me leave and said “You’re STILL here?” type long.)

Nap time was given up after an hour of trying to get my 4 little bouncing beans to keep their heads ON THEIR PILLOWS. (Seriously, it was like one of those groundhog bonking games where you are supposed to keep them all in their holes with a padded mallet – and you bonk one, and then another pops up…)

And the kids FINALLY went to bed …45 minutes late.

It was at this low moment (when I should have stopped to pray for strength and focus) that I did what I have done far too many times.

I raced to my beloved laptop to check favorite blogs and to ‘connect.’

To ‘socialize.’

To ‘like’ and ‘be liked.’

I’m not the only mom who does this.

Surrounded by dishes and tantrums, I too often find myself, at the first moment of reprieve, reaching out – hoping for someone to understand – to put into words the discouragement, the hopes, the fears and the joys of my messy, lonely life.

I think this is why stay at home moms make up one of the biggest group of blog readers on the internet.

We are lonely.

We are really longing for someone to relate to.

(And we are too tired to drag the kids off every week to join a MOPS group, and too poor to hire a babysitter more then a couple times a year.)

But there is danger in the Mommy Blogs. I’d never thought about it until I started writing my own blog. But now I have to voice it, and I’d really love to get your thoughts on it.

We always hear about how the mommy blogs can cause envy - of the woman who has the Martha Stewart-type house, cooks 100% from scratch and runs a thriving home business while raising 6 children (who always look like models and never sin.)

We also hear about how these blogs can cause discouragement because no one really has it altogether. It’s just easier to make it look like you do when your blog only records carefully selected pictures and stories.

However, I think the BIGGEST danger of blogs (and all social media) is much closer to the heart.

We Use Blogs to Fill Heart Needs That They are NOT Meant to Fill.

Tired and lonely, we head to the computer when we are spiritually struggling or needing fellowship.

1. We use blogs to fill our spiritual needs.

Rather than retreat to our Bible and reach up toward the One Who will fill our longing souls with His grace, we turn first to our computers.

We do find something in the Christian blogs, but it is like a crumb of food in comparison with the meat of His Word that would fill our starving souls.

These blogs are convicting and spiritually encouraging, but our first moments should be spent filling up on Him, and our later moments could be given to the words of wise Christian sisters.

(To be honest, in my lowest moments as a mom, I have the hardest time picking up my Bible. I may have just yelled at my kids; I may have let the house slip and be struggling with guilt and discouragement. I don’t feel holy enough for God. I would much rather find a blogger mom who I can relate to and yet keep a safe distance from. It is these darkest times though, that I need His pure words the most.)

2. We use blogs to fill our friendship needs.

Rather than reach for the phone and call a friend with whom we can share deep and meaningful conversation, we start surfing through posts.

Rather than looking for friends in our community who will come into our home and know us for who we really are and with whom we can share experiences, we use technology to make ‘connections’ digitally.

But cyber friends can often be smoke and mirrors. Someone with a thousand ‘friends’ can be one of the loneliest.

We become very attached to our favorite bloggers – even though they barely know us. We send our comments out to them with all the love and care of our bestie.

(I’ve completely done this. I checked one of my favorite blogs routinely when her baby was due last year, and when a different favorite blogger failed to respond to a personal message, I was deeply hurt.)

And virtual medias can even distance us from our real friends. We feel like we’re keeping up with our friends because we check up on how their children are growing on Facebook, but we haven’t had a worthwhile conversation with them in 3 years.

And there is a difference. A former roommate on the other end of the phone, knows your struggles and can call you on it if you are wallowing in self-pity. A blog can often convict and encourage us, but it cannot do what a friend does. It’s not meant to.

Blogs DO have their purpose.

As long as we don’t depend on them to fill unprecedented positions, blogs can be a great blessing – adding to our days worthwhile thoughts and encouraging conversations!

My blog has helped me connect with sweet sisters from my past and also make some new friends. I do hope for future conversations and friendships!

So in their place and fulfilling their purpose, blogs (and all social media), are useful and fun!

The main thing is to use blogs as blogs.

Our relationship needs must be filled by relationships!

So as I walk away from this post, I want  to commit myself to go to God when I am filled with loneliness rather than surfing aimlessly through Mommy blogs, and then I hope to call or email a friends who will encourage me, instead of quick checking Facebook statuses.

And dear sister may I encourage you also, when you find yourself with a rare moment of silence, to pause BEFORE reaching for the computer. Instead, pick up your Bible and fill your need tank from the friendship that will be forever – and then maybe reach for the phone to call the old friend you’ve been meaning to call.