Monthly Archives: September 2015

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Why Having Baby #5 is More Fun Then #1

Few things in life compare to the wonder of holding your first child for the first time and realizing, yes, you are a mom!

However, now that #5 is on his/her way, I have to admit, I wouldn’t go back there! There are some fun perks to this stage.

  1. You don’t worry about everything.

Along with all the thrill and joy of baby #1, there is also a lot of fear. Will you be a good mother? Will you do everything right?

(By #5 you realize no, you will not do everything right. You will get grouchy sometimes, you will have rough nights and feed your kids that super-bad-for-you macaroni and cheese, you will not do all the magical activities you always imagined yourself doing with them and no, you will not be anything like Mary Poppins – even on your best days, but that’s OK.)image

You will be what your kids need – their mom, you’ll go to bat for them, love them, laugh with them, and help them clean their rooms and do their homework. You’ll believe in them and cheer for them and even when you mess up – you’ll get up and by God’s grace be there for them the next day – and for as long as you live. And by baby #5, you’ll know it’s not about being ‘perfect’ but about loving them and being there for them. You can do that.

  1. Less people talk about your shape and poke at your belly.

When you are surrounded by a mass of little kids, people cannot even get to your belly let alone poke it. And with 4 little socialites crowding for their attention, those people also don’t have time to talk about your increased size.

(Whew! That problem is solved! Yay for less Pillsbury Dough Boy pokes!)

  1. You have more people genuinely excited about the baby.

Maybe extended relatives will roll their eyes when you tell them you are having another one, but as far as the people who will be changed and affected by the baby every day, you now have a household of 6 people who are thrilled to pieces. (Even if their name choices are not always the best. Lumina? Thor? Leelee?)

  1. You are secure in your body and birth plan.

For baby #1 and even #2, you read everybody else’s opinions about birth. By #5, you know your own body, you know what you’re going to do, and you need minimal help.

(The doctors are also lot more apt to let you do what you want to. Seriously, they look at my chart now and kind of nod in a very hands-off way, and I’m thankful for that. I’ve been here multiple times before, and I’ll call them if I need them.)

  1. You are secure in your approach to mothering

imageThe moment you look into your first baby’s face, you are overwhelmed. Never have you seen someone so wonderful, but you are also overwhelmed by your own identity change. You are now a mother.

By the time you’ve had a few, you are secure in your identity as a mom and in your approach to mothering. The moment you see baby #3, #4, #5, you just soak up their little face.

  1. Necessary life changes have already been made

- You’ve made the schedule changes

Most of us with #1 had to make some major changes – whether it was stopping working, finding childcare, or embarking on the journey of juggling a combination of those things.

By #5 those things are in a rhythm. Yes every newborn brings new challenges, but you are old hat at the juggling game, and your family is accustomed to rolling with the punches and working together as a team.

- You’ve made the heart changes.

I’ve heard so many new parents say it. “We don’t plan on changing much in our schedule. We’ll just bring a baby along. Not much will change.”

(I just smile and nod when I hear them say this and then I admit – I laugh with my husband later. We know they’ll learn.)

By #5, you have long since laid down an active social life. Yes, you sometimes miss it. Yes, it’s important to call friends and have deep conversations sometimes, but by #5, you’ve realized that right now your kids simply come first. You’ve accepted that for this season in life other things won’t happen, and you are (usually – except on the messy, PMS days) content with that.

  1. No Shower Gifts to Deal With

I say this tongue in cheek. I was given a lot of wonderful shower gifts for baby #1 that I still use today. However, now that I have my systems set up, I am relieved to not have to deal with an onslaught of new gifts. Less clutter, less stress, and less returns sound great! I’ll just buy the few items I need.

  1. Less Hard on Yourself.

image- After #1 you realize you will never be the perfect mom because you’re not perfect. And you realize that’s OK.

- After #2 you realize that your love multiplies and there really is plenty to go around.

- After #3 you realize that you can never keep them all happy at once, and that’s OK.

- After #4 you realize that you can’t always stay in control of everything. You have to let some things go, and not only is that OK, it’s pretty relieving.

-Verity

PS (And I’ll let you know what I learn after #5, but I’m really excited to find out!)

 

 

Miscarriage pic 2

CS Lewis, Planned Parenthood, and Our First Baby

I was holding my dead baby’s body in my hand, and the doctor kept calling it ‘tissue.’

It was a honeymoon pregnancy, and I was 11 weeks, 3 days pregnant when I woke at 1:00 AM covered in blood. By 3:00 AM we were in the emergency room, and by 4:00 AM I’d birthed our first child and experienced one of the first showdowns of my life between Morality and Science.

“I’ll show you what comes out.” The young doctor had said when I a realized that I was miscarrying and asked to see ‘my baby’s body.’

“It’s tissue.” He had said.

But it wasn’t tissue. It was the tiny, perfect lifeless body of (what I’ve always believed) was our first daughter. It’s really hard to tell at that age, but it looked like she had a high forehead like me, and she was amazing.

But it was like the doctor was looking at something completely different then my husband and I. While we sobbed – deep, heart-wrenching sobs of grief over the tiny, bruised form of our first baby, he was careful to never refer to her as a baby – or even a fetus. (In medical terms, our child was still 4 days from being called a fetus.)

How was it that we and the doctor could be observing the same thing and yet arrive at 2 different conclusions? Distanced now by almost 7 years and able to evaluate the situation objectively, I believe our two different conclusions were because we had 2 different starting points.

- I looked at the baby’s body through the eyes of morality as something of value and worthy of respect.

- The young doctor looked at the baby’s body only scientifically and saw tissue.

- My view was derived from my faith – that the child was a soul, made in the image of God.

- The doctor’s view was also derived from his faith. He had embraced Science as the determiner in each situation and the prevalent Postmodern view in our society that there are no absolute determiners outside of what can be observed with the eyes. Ultimately Science acted like a god directing his actions, goals and values.

When a person rejects morality for Science, they fool themselves into thinking that they can now be free from the restraints of faith, but they instead build themselves a new kind of nightmare. CS Lewis predicted that every man must have a moral law, a “doctrine of objective value, the behef that certain attitudes are really true, and others really false, and that any society that rejected morality for the pursuit of science would digress to being “kneaded and cut into new shapes for the pleasures of masters who must, by hypothesis, have no motive but their own natural’ impulses.”

Paul said it better in Romans 1: 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.”

And indeed our Postmodern society that rejects absolutes yet adheres without question to Science – the obsession with man, birds, animals and creeping things – is left to rationalize heinous crimes such as the systematic slaughter of children through abortion.

Of course at 4:00 AM on that dark November morning, I didn’t understand any of that.  All I could think of was that we needed to give our baby a memorial. Something. We should take the body and bury it.

But the doctor (despite his denial of my child’s value as a person) was strangely insistent that we leave the body there at the hospital, and for some unfathomable reason, I agreed. I don’t know why he wanted me to leave the body; I don’t know why I agreed. What crossed my mind was that I thought it must be a health issue – me taking the body. Now I believe it was a moral issue – and I failed.

We later received a bill for $350 for them ‘disposing of elements of conception,’ and It still awes me how I stood like a bystander and allowed our child to be degraded in that way. At the time, the doctor was so convincing, so sterile, so educated, and I was just a very scared girl who could barely digest what was happening.

Despite my strong pro-life upbringing and my Bible college education, I wasn’t prepared for the cold and calculated mis-education of this young doctor. I never dreamed someone could SERIOUSLY look at a baby’s dead body and not call it what it was. But he did – right to my face. His training so imbedded in his sad soul that he literally could renounce the morality of the situation by simply retreating to his medical (Science) terminology. But every scientific observation has to first start at a standpoint, and I believe there is no ultimate objectivity because observations in science start with the premises of what we believe going into it.

It still gets down to FAITH.

I’ve started writing this article 6 times, and I finally made it past the first sentence. I do feel like I failed our first child. (I named her Asaph.) But I’ve become wiser from it, and I recognize now what I did not then:

Most of us follow a moral center that says there is right and wrong, and most people will reject abominable practices when they learn the truth. That is what makes these Planned Parenthood videos and exposing the truth about what is happening is so important to keep showing – no matter how horrible.

So don’t give up. Keep signing petitions (HERE, HERE, and HERE), posting reminders, and boycotting the businesses who support Planned Parenthood. (Find that list HERE)

Abortion is a moral issue – not a scientific issue – that we can’t ignore.

miscarriage 2

This is not a picture of our Asaph, but a precious little boy named Noah who was miscarried around the same gestation and looks similar to Asaph. To read more about the incredible testimony connected to this precious little one’s picture. Click HERE.